To be honest I feel quite proud of myself. I had nothing here when I arrived but I now have a (rather bare) bungalow, the business is up and running (albeit money is very tight at the moment, but that should be remedied in the next 2- 3 weeks) and I have got into a routine which helps to keep expenses down. I have held off buying things until I can buy exactly what I want (within reason) so I have a leather office chair and a solid oak desk, and other items of furniture will hopefully match in the future.
I have got my teeth sorted out. An impending problem has been removed, literally, and I have booked to have a crown fitted on the one remaining dodgy tooth (I mean I have one dodgy tooth remaining, not just one tooth). I have identified a small gym which I want to join once work settles down. I try to go for daily walks along the seafront and I have found 2-3 nice pubs where I don't get threatened. I found that fresh food items get marked down at the Co-op after about 5 p.m. and I have a couple of store cards that gave me a 'free' bottle of wine after shopping regularly there.
My routine involves, unless I go out, watching the early evening BBC news. To properly enjoy Armageddon, you need to anticipate when it will come. I also watch Question Time (a political panel show). Both programs illustrate succinctly that we have not voted our best into power. I am lucky living in Scotland because when, as occurs as a single person sitting in pub, I get invited into other's conversations and it turns to Brexit, when I mention the people that voted for Brexit are cretinous wankers, instead of being dragged into the pub car park and be quartered by four Ford XR2i cars, I just get a purred response of 'Aye, that they are'.
Yesterday the GDP figures were announced for another quarter. For the sake of sanity don't read the comments on the BBC website following the article. Post after post, by thick-necked people with purple veins prominently throbbing, post that the BBC and all Remoaners were WRONG about Brexit and Old Blighty is going to rule the world again. The figures, pessimistically reported as being only 0.3%, instead reached the heady heights of 0.4%. The Chancellor must be wondering what to do with such a huge windfall. Odd we have so many foodbanks around the country when we are so affluent.
It is difficult to know where to start, because reasoning with these people is not possible, obviously. The figure is UP, UP I tell you and everyone said it would be getting worse - everyone except the pioneering Brexiteers, who are going to make Britain a force to reckoned with again and build galleons again and bring back hanging for poofs. Point out that 0.4% is not a particularly large figure and that, in business terms, this is turnover, but the UK has not made a profit for 30 years which makes you wonder who their creative accountant is that has kept the bailiffs at bay, and you are castigated for being pessimistic and non-British.
These dodgy Johnny Foreigners, who have been coming to this country by their zillions, taking our jobs and raping our women, have to be stopped, and by golly, we are going to stop them. Try to point out that there are beggars on the streets of Ayr, yet I see job vacancies all over town for kitchen work or service staff, and that you have just bought your pint from a very nicely spoken Romanian girl, and you start to see steam coming out of their nostrils.
Maybe the vote would have gone the other way if the people who are now 'negotiating' our exit from the EU had been paraded for all to see. 'No really, he is the person responsible for the deal we get with the EU. No, I'm not joking, it is he'. David Davis, a man whose parents didn't even have the imagination to come up with better name for him. A man whose face says 'punch me'. He is the best we have got.
So what will happen when we leave, as all insist we now will as commonsense has been consigned to history, if all we can achieve at this moment is 0.4% GDP? When David Davis, fresh from his success at the EU negotiations, and now appointed as the new Prime Minister, moves on to negotiate trade deals with China. Those galleons will have to put on hold.
As all the Johnny foreigners are shipped back to where they come from and the UK realises there is no one left who can bang a nail in straight or unplug a drain or serve a beer, what will we do then. An economy based on a service industry but with no one to serve.
This is why I am here. I can skin a rabbit and pluck a pheasant. I can bang a nail in without bending it and saw a plank of wood in straight line. I can make an omelette without a bookshelf of cook books. I can add up without a calculator and I know how to change a barrel of beer. I will be the only person in this land that has any useful skills and I will charge mightily for them, especially to the MBAs and middle managers. Soon I will be ruler of all I can see as, like Colonel Sanders, I will not divulge my secrets. Then we will build those galleons and I will send the purple-veined to China to claim back what is rightfully ours.
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