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Nothing More to Say
Last night Ploy and I had a fight.
Ever since I met Ploy she has had this incendiary side to her character - she will just blow up over something, a small thing, usually justified, but out of all proportion to the cause. It goes almost as soon as it comes leaving you wondering if it actually happened at all.
I on the other hand have always bottled things up. Little things, little frustrations, accumulating as a little bile mountain inside me, waiting to erupt. The outbursts are infrequent, maybe once every two years, sometimes longer intervals. When they erupt they are memorable to bystanders.
In Thailand the bile mountain accumulates faster. Yesterday a hugely expensive piece of equipment of mine broke down and I am casually told it is obsolete and cannot be repaired. The electricity went off for 30 minutes just as I was measuring something. We are receiving pathetic excuses about the late payment of our first money. And it is visa time again and I am having to accumulate the mountain of forms required by the Thai embassy.
We are both over-tired and are both feeling the frustration of being so close yet still, apparently, so far.
So when Ploy blew up over the neighbour's constant parking of their car in front of our house so we cannot park, I blew up over the fact she blows up over such silly things. And so we conflagrated. As Ploy was coming down from her hillock of an outburst I was still rapidly ascending to my summit. Usually we make up within hours. But usually it is just one of us. Not this time. It is my fault; lack of anyone to talk to other than Ploy gives me no release, no-one to moan to over a beer which slowly dissipated the bile and kept it in check.
This time it feels different and Ploy is raking over her old grievances some of which I didn't know I had accumulated points for.
I have things to do. I have a ton of work to do without which we don't get the money but this episode has exhausted me and left me too weary to work. Ploy is out getting some company papers for my visa and Sunday I fly to Singapore. Almost immediately after I fly to Korea and Ploy is now saying she doesn't want to come with me. Maybe the break will do us some good but I don't like leaving with this dark cloud over us.
It is again over three weeks since I wrote in my diary. I am going to take a break. It has become a chore to write and I have more important things to do. The most important of these is to repair my marriage. And to do this I need to change. I need to find a life outside of work.